Chomp!

Time ain't always on my side. Two babies tell me what to do and when to do it. I have 6 lamps I need to make for a dood in Australia. He's being patient, and by that I mean, he didn't reply to my last email that said, "I don't know man... another 4 weeks? 5 weeks?" My mominlaw needs pegboards put up in garage. Nate needs his butt wiped and Claire needs to go to gymboree. And the two cute gymboree nannies that actually talk to me are gonna stop nannying, and leave me with the old grumps. And there are about 12 trees that need to be cut down in the backyard, and hauled out to the street in two days, for "large brush pickup day". In steps my new best friend, the alligator lopper.



My brah Lopper and I did a number on the backyard. A serious serious number. That back fence was mostly invisible, but now very visible after Lopper's chainsaw mouth did its stuff. Sadly, the lopper is not a magic lopper that would make each limb turn to fairy dust as it hit the ground, so he left it up to me to haul to the front yard. Planning on doing this on a Thursday evening, then watching loud rock music that will start at midnight. It's a bad mix, and I know this going in, but after the double nanny dis, an old man needs something to look forward to. And for this old man, it's The Damn Times.

What Am I Doing?

This friend o mine wants me to refinish this stereo cabinet for him. I says to the man, I says, "Lookit man, I've made this and that, but I've never done me any type of refinishing before. You sure you want me to do this?" He tells me it can't look much worse, but also follows it up with, "my grandfather gave it to me when he passed away, and it has a lot of sentimental value." Awesome.



So I take my sander to this heirloom piece and see what happens. Startin to get somewhere. Gonna whip out the dremel and harness me some new skills in them hard to get to spots. Did I mention this stereo is sitting under my leaky party cover with a tarp on it, and there's a hardcore chance of rain this week? No worries, brah.



In other I-Don't-Know-What-I'm-Doing news, I purchased a vacuum press kit thinger, with a motor and many brass fitting type parts. After a couple, "How do i do this??" emails and a trip to Breed and Co, I got my gearhead on, and now it's wired up and runnin fine. I'm in the big leagues now, and gonna be vacuum pressing veneers into bendy wood objects like nobody's bidness. Let's let Little Eva take it out with her appropo hit Bend it!

- - Little Eva - Bend It Found at abmp3 search engine

Manly Wednesday- Keith Moon Furniture

Keith Moon inspired furniture? Oh man, it’s my dream. It’s not often I get to mention the craziest drummer in rock and roll, and cool furniture designs, but today is that special day.



This crazy Richard Shed is floating around East London making some of the coolest items around. This is the Mr. Moon Shelf, and the description on his website is worth a full read, as it kills me. But the gist is this guy made The Who’s Keith Moon a shelf and, “In a fit of rock and roll excessiveness he picked up a shelf and launched it at the wall. One end of the shelf lodged itself in the wall and stuck out at an angle.” So perfectly cornball!



This is Keith’s Console, which obviously met the same fate as the shelf… Shed makes a bunch of fantastic items, like the Fat Leg Table, with one jumbo leg you can dump all your cords through, and dovetail tape I might use on some furniture til I get the actual dovetailing down… (eons away).




Wrapping up this here Manly Wednesday with The Who doing “Summertime Blues” at the Monterey Pop Festival. It’s perfect.

Manly Wednesday- When you gotta Clean

Doods, it’s true that sometimes ladies get injured or leave you because you’re ugly. When this happens, it’s time to take cleaning into your own hands. Here’s what you can do…



First of all, don’t do the work- make a robot do it. There’s nothing worse than cleaning out a gutter. You are either doing it from a ladder or from the roof, and either way, your head is doomed to meet the concrete from several feet up. This little guy does your work for you while you drink a beer.



You a smoker? You always putting out the ciggies on the ground and getting in trouble? Here’s your ashtray, brah. Stomp like a man, and keep the backyard clean at the same time.



The office a mess? Desk covered in crap? Here’s your device… The toilet vacuum cleaner. Appears to be a nasty little goody already in there.



Lady said you didn’t dust thoroughly? Did you remind her you were wearing your brass knuckle brush? Well, at least she ain’t left yo ugly ass yet.

Manly Wednesday- FerMANtation

I started workin on this on girly tuesday, so though i'm posting it on manly wednesday, blogger does not recognize it as such. Touche, Blogger.

Brahs like beer, as I mentioned before. Also, dudes- manly dudes- have an I-Can-Do-That-Better attitude, that’s why the home brewing kits are popular.

Check out the Lager Brewzer 10 Pint Micro Brewing System. Julie thinks there is nothing dorkier in the world than making beer in your garage… but she also can’t wait for her next issue of Journal of Accountancy.

Then there’s this Alcoshot Kit… you can make your own fruity shots… may or may not win over the wife?

And there’s this guy here… make your own wine?? Man, I don’t know… don’t people spend years making a bottle of wine? And use old oak casks and all that? I mean, I’ve made wine on accident when my old grape juice fermented, and I’m curious how different this make-your-own-wine kit is from that.

BREAKFAST!

If there’s one thing a bald man loves, that’s a big breakfast. I could eat breakfast for every meal actually… donuts for every dessert. Anyway, this Manly Wednesday post is about a man-sized breffas.



Let’s start with the bacon of the month club. Yum. Forget starting up those micro breweries and locally grown coffee beans. We need more microbaconries, and that product shipped to my door… better yet, shipped directly to my frying pan.



Have yourself a tough mug of coffee. Repeat.




I have to spend the majority of my day blasting away at this wretched keyboard. I’d prefer to be eating em waffle style! This typewriter waffle iron reduces the number of waffles I have to eat from 10 to 5… possibly. (Secret manly sidenote, my wife eats waffles with her hands- true.)



Have you a side of toast, of course. This pop art toaster allows you to throw in a couple naughty plates on the off chance you are eating with enemies.




If you haven’t already drank a dozen raw eggs, or even if you have, you should still have some room for fried eggs… especially if they are uzi shaped. Now you’re ready to take on the day! Mmmmm… big ole breakfast.

Technowood

Don’t know if you caught on, but I’m having a wood craze. So are these characters.



Dutch designer Guido Ooms hunts through his local forest, and picks up sticks. He then creates these USB memory “sticks”. Dang. Smart. And looks really cool sticking (huh huh) out of your laptop. I have a mental picture of our dog gnawing on the end of it…




This Asian Desiger, Singgih Karatono, created the Magno radio. It’s wood too. Knobs, body, even the little ball on the tip of the antenna is wood. What am I going to make to join the ranks of these wood technologists? Would a wooden time machine burn up during time travel?

Toilet Haters

I almost didn’t believe this when a coworker told me about it, but it’s pretty genius/disgusting, and is a nice follow up to yesterday’s post. It’s the Stadium Pal, for those that don’t need a toilet at all! Made for those long distance driving astronaut stalkers, or anyone too busy to run to a restroom. Strap this external catheter on, and a pouch to your leg, and go when/where you please. The same company manufactures the Beer belly, a bag of beer you can strap to your belly to save from paying big bucks at the stadium. I’m sure there’s a company out there devising the contraption that will “recycle” one into the other. If not, I’m on it.

Toolin' Round

Now that I’ve truly manned up by having a power tool in my garage, and sawdust on the floor, today’s man post is tool related.




I’m not sure how smart it is to drink beer and hammer, but may I present the Bottle Opener Hammer. I won’t lie that the beer fridge is located in the garage as well.



Did you see No Country for Old Men? Dudes have to unscrew air vents with dimes. Well, pick these pocket screwdrivers up, and you’ll have that air vent off before the bad guy can get to the stash you are hiding up in thar.



And since dudes don’t have purses, and have to put everything in their pockets (see above), the bottle opener key is a necessity when you aren’t in your garage hammering something.




After you’ve opened more beer bottles than hammered nails, make sure the wife takes over… pick her up some tools for ladies. More ergonomic and sensual than your rusty old stuff, but DO NOT be tempted to use them, or next you’ll be bathing with Oil of Olay.

Infected

Brahs and sahs, I’m in the throes of a sinus infection. Wicked. But we’re still kickin it Man style.




I could go for a hot tea in one of these Gun Mugs. They are stylin with gold or platinum plated triggers. HIGH Stylin.




My workplace also doesn’t have soap right now in the restroom, so these hand soaps would come in mega ummm.... handy. However, I get a little satisfaction knowing I’m passing my germs on to coworkers, I’m not gonna lie.



What I really need, though not often in Texas, are one of these sweet beard caps. Made by Icelanders. Infections are kept at a minimum with a head covered this much… Not to mention it will be the only way I can ever “grow” a beard, says the woman who controls my facial hair.